Uneasy

I need holidays!! Not just day offs T_T. And plus, I’m tellin u, I can’t enjoy this day offs. Shit.
If it could happen, I’d love to skip school as long as I want. And I don’t have to be afraid of what my future will be if I don’t go to school. It seems like I’m too afraid with my future. I never felt like this before. I think I’m becoming like this since I entered high school -_-
The only thing that makes me so uneasy recently.. is about school. I often think like, “how will I survive in this hell-like school?” “Will I survive this 1st year?” “Will I make it to science class?” “What if I don’t make it to science class?” And for the worst, “What if I can’t survive to the 2nd year?”
I know I should always be positive. But I couldn’t help it… You know, I’m not as confident as I’m used to when I was in junior high. In junior high, it was heaven. I can relax however and whenever I want. It wasn’t a hard time like now, back then. There was nothing to worry. I felt so smart in junior high, but now… I feel like I’m the most idiot student at the school T_T
I’m struggling to find ways to survive this 1st year and make it to science class w/out math. But then I realize (I should’ve been realize sooner or in other words, I’m denying it. Yes, pathetic.), that there’s no way it could be happen. Oh god of math, please please please… Make me smarter so I can find ur x, ur y, ur z, ur a, ur n, or anything you want me to find faster. Pleaseeeeee~ I’m dying here. Hoyyy I’m dying. Ok I think I’m exaggerating-_-